POLITICIANS SHOULD BE TESTED

In a country whose government is filled with people ignorant of German being the language of Austria, not Austrian, not knowing that there is a difference between a radio and a television,(and televisions were not in any home in 1929), unaware that a politician did not invent the internet, that Constitution refers to more than whether you normally defecate in the morning or evening, that the Federalists Papers were not what our Founding Fathers used after the above, that Bill of Rights is not a World Wrestling Federation star, that strategery is not a word, that terroism is a methodology not a country, that it is bad policy to declare a war lost if your own military is in fact winning,(of course, it is unclear which side Harry Reid was claiming allegiance to)and that planet Earth is quite possibly headed into another glacial period rather than a man caused severe interglacial, perhaps something should be done about the phenomenal blanket of ignorance which covers our nation's capital. I have long held that the battle against ignorance is the only un-winnable war worth fighting, and America's politicians have just plain thrown in the towel.

For whatever reason, with the possible exception of teachers, politicians have become collectively the dumbest, most ignorant decernable group in our country. While I do not concur with the majority opinion that President Obama is intellectually gifted, please note that ignorance is not a fuction of intellegence but is simply a ratio of all knowledge to the knowledge of one particular individual. Even if this assertion amounts to an infinitesimal elasticizing of reality, is it too much to ask of those entrusted with the job of running our country, to have a slightly broader knowledge base than to know how to lie effectively? Would it be too much ask if candidates for office actually read the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, the Federalist Papers, and actually grasp rudementary science, math, philosophy, and especially history? If our elected officials are not grotesquely ignorant of history, then the only rational explanaiton for what has recently transpired is that the majority of politicians are devout communists. With all of President Obama's manipulative, errant comparisons to the Great Depression to today,there exits one accurate and ominous link: In the thirties there occurred the last overt attempt by communists to seize this country. While communists did not succeed in the thirties, they did manage to erect the infrastructure to wage a campaign to ultimately piss on the graves of our Founding Fathers. However, President Obama, during one campaign, and ninety short days in office, has managed to unalterably pervert the United States of America to a degree that has Hugo Chavez wanting to dance a rumba or salsa with President Obama(whom I'm sure would graciously consent to allow Hugo to lead), and has Nikita Khrushchev dancing the "Dance of the Cossacks", in his grave.

Testing politicians would in fact be quite simple. Naturally prevention of cheating would be paramount so I would recommend that no liberal or non-conservative be allowed to sit next to a conservative. This may not signifigantly reduce the amount of cheating, but it would miinimize the likelihood of any dishonesty proving benificial. Of course Barney Frank's, Chris Dodd's, and J.R. Biden's scores would undoubtedly be enhanced no matter whose paper they copied from.(perhaps they should be forced to sit together) Given my promotion of this idea is predicated on the goal of eliminating those that are vilely incompetent from office, I would not allow any test preparation and definintly no retaking of the test.

Test generation would in fact be the easiest part of this exercise. Merely generate a compilation of seventh-grade civics finals ranging from the time Robert Byrd, the oldest member of Congress was in the seventh grade to when Andre' Carson, the youngest member of Congress, was in the seventh grade. The other test elements: math, philosophy, and history can be drawn from third grade exams from the same range. Admittedly scientific ignorance is as rampant amoung politicians as any other field, but just to be fair, the science section should be personalized, having only questions contemporaneous with that politician's fifth grade experience. After all, I would not want to disadvantage those politicians who have already demonstrated their inability to keep modern scientific inovations clear in their minds, such as radios and televisions.

Failure to score a sixty-percentile or above would result in their immediate dismissal and never again would they be allowed to be employed in any capasity which could have the slightest impact upon American political policy. Of course, in the spirit of full disclosure and transparancy, an itemized report of all scores must be released to the public including complete essay responses. Perhaps then we would better understand the totally asinine legislation composed in Washington, D.C., and just maybe forestall more of the same.