THE ALTERNATIVE MEDIA ARMY

Because I have always held that membership in any group mandates your first obligation to be the maintenance of that groups' integrity, I feel compelled to address a smattering of conservative standard bearers and deserters from the left that God has been gracious to. After all, who would you rather hear from, Keith Olberman, a reincarnated propagandist for TASS and his trusted earwig-infested female side-kick Ms. Maddow, who doesn't even have the excuse of having been an abuser of LSD in the 60's, or a devote Conservative that firmly believes in the premise that all men are created equal, endowed by their creator with certain inalienable rights, being life, liberty, and pursuit of having one of their own rip them a new one.

ANNE COULTER

Anne Coulter is definitely not a victim of the no child left behind syndrome. She doesn't feel the slightest compulsion to teach the conceptually challenged. Her attitude and I must admit to finding it refreshing, is to state realities and absolutes, and anyone that is slow to concur, doesn't have what it takes to join her ranks. Ms. Coulter does not want her army to be slowed by having to stop and nurse anyone that hesitated and thus was impaled while negotiating a conceptual fence. I'm uncertain if Ms. Coulter could be properly called the movement's General Patton, but I'm sure she qualifies as the campaign's equivalent to General Custer. Surly a lifetime could be spent debating whether Custer's overall impact was positive or negative, but no one could argue that anyone in his presence didn't know they were in the presence of a somebody, and that he had his uses. I do feel, however, that her manner permits the left to control or at least define her image to an unhealthy degree. But sadly, I'm ignorant of any solution to this that would not interfere with Ms. Coulter remaining Ms. Coulter.

BERNIE GOLDBERG

Bernie Goldberg's evolution of anger is most fascinating to observe. I find it somewhat reminiscent of my father's building fury in the face of so many incapable or unwilling, to the see the so obvious. He is on a path of public good, but his living to witness that impact may be precluded by a coronary embolism. I do find his frustration with the public's inability to grasp the leftist media's agenda slightly hypocritical since it took him so long to become aware of it himself, and if he was not slow to identify it, he is even more culpable and worthy of reproach, for having taken so long to find the courage to lend his hand in exposing that media bias he now holds in such disdain. But aside from any delays in his joining the struggle against the death of the individual, he brings a unique background, perspective, and equally unique weaponry. Consequently, a fair argument can be made that if Mr. Goldberg became more of a player than a coach, the left would fear him most of all.

MARK LEVIN

My assessment of Mark Levin unfortunately reveals a sever personal failing of my own. He bombards his audience with more information than any three hosts combined. That information is well researched, perfectly sequenced, and convincingly presented. Unquestionably, his arguments are well processed and ready for immediate human digestion, so never does he leave the listener feeling bloated. I respect beyond words his insistence that the Federalist Papers, the Constitution, and the Declaration of Independence have lifetime memberships in his arguments. I just can't get past the voice. This is my problem not his.

GLEN BECK

I don't buy Glen Beck's assertion that he is slow on the uptake and just a regular guy, but I do find his approach to be the most potentially likely of success, or measurable positive impact. He seems to have discovered the perfect mixture of passion, sincerity, and theater. Another very appealing and rare characteristic Mr. Beck seems to possess, is that he doesn't appear to care how long it takes to bring Americas back from the brink. There is no way to overstate the importance of having people that can successfully combat growing weary amidst a battle of indeterminate duration. As a matter of fact, the only thing I could see getting in the way of Mr. Beck would be if he contracted elephantiasis of the ego from Bill O'Reilly.

BILL O'REILLY

Speaking of Mr. O'Reilly, I personally don't believe he even belongs on this list but since so many of his assailants do, I include him. I'm afraid the fact that he has never aired any of my emails, all of which being superior than any he has used, may prejudice my opinion. Just the same, I find his selection of topics and issues he chooses to champion to be well thought out, worthy of attention, and intelligently addressed. However, I do see his sincerity and displayed passion to be contrived, artificial, and as phony as a Virgin Mary sighting at the Mustang Ranch. He is far and away the most deserving of the title, 'entertainer'. Were an ego something actually capable of physically exploding, I would nightly expect blood and shredded ego tissue to be hurled violently at the screen. Whether Fox News would immediately go to commercial, or keep the cameras rolling, I do not know. If anyone doubts my assessment of his ego, ask yourself, is having intellectually bested the likes of Barney Frank really something to write home about, much less put on a bumper sticker? Realistically, emerging victorious from a battle of wits with Barney Frank is about as noteworthy as getting the better of Al Gore or Joe Biden on the history of the Internet or television, or knowing more about everything than Chris Dodd.

MICHELLE MALKIN

No one in the media is as capable of employing such a gentle, polite, palatable tone while presenting matter of fact, which is anything but gentle, polite, or palatable than Michelle Malkin. But this tact, which melds with her outward appearance, is but a ruse to lure her prey into range. Once coaxed into her sights, her petite physical stature belies the immense nuclear powered thrust by which she can propel her message. She is an air hammer loaded with facts rather than roofing nails. It is no coincidence that those willing to debate her number zero. Any liberal that crosses her path looks like the proverbial idiot that brings an emery board to a gunfight. While a handful of pseudo-advocates will still occasionally spew out intentionally ineffective dribblings against illegal immigration, Ms. Malkin is the only true warrior against America's ongoing genocide. So well armed are her positions, that she can't even discuss them on Fox News without Geraldo Rivera getting his big brother, Billy, to beat her up for him. However Big Brother Billy wanted none of her so he sunk to a level lower than a snake's belly in a wagon wheel rut, and underhandedly did everything he could to limit her airtime. Or so I've surmised. With liberal weaponry being loaded only with feelings(blanks), and the left being pledged irreversibly to harming this country, I have absolutely no sympathy for any of them that stray into the raking fire delivered by Ms. Malkin's arsenal loaded with lethal facts.

MRS. JAMES CARVILLE

Mrs. James Carville comes across as rational, pleasantly analytical, and persuasive, but always there looms the Satan-like shadow of her husband. Or is that, cadaver-like shadow? I just can't bring myself to trust someone who seems to have entered the holy state of matrimony for the sole purpose of guaranteeing that at least one would always be gainfully employed. Heck, even Bill and Hillarys' marital contract clearly displayed a unity of mind and purpose, and I refuse to abandon my contention that the most important element of a successful, meaningful, caring bond, is not a sense of humor, respect, trust, or even love, but an identical sense of right and wrong. And if they do share a like sense of right and wrong, that sense is unsavory and mercenary at best. I can't clear my mind of images of Mr. and Mrs. Carville lying down at night, gleefully disputing which one moved more spaces that day on the 'game board' of American politics.

DICK MORRIS

As a prognosticator, no one can hold a candle to Dick Morris. I end up agreeing with him on a more consistent basis than any other commentator, with the possible exception of Laura Ingram, and it bugs the crap out of me. Here is a man, regardless of any recent self-reformative efforts, looking at politics as much or more of a game than do the Carvilles, and probably would have come up with the idea for O.J. Simpson not to take his arthritis medicine, in preparation of trying on the gloves, before anyone else did, were he on the 'dream team'. It pains me that I agree with someone so much whom I do not trust, nor even like as a person. Because of this conundrum, Mr. Morris is the one person I discuss, that I would most like to meet face to face.

DENNIS MILLER

My appreciation for Dennis Miller is probably firmly rooted in self approval. Like myself, he is genetically wired to the one liner and never ending searches for the obscure metaphor to arrogantly test his audience. I realize that aspiring to Mr. Miller's skill level is sort of like Arnold Schwazenegger thinking he could turn himself into a flabby, unauthentic, political milksop. Ah, hope springs eternal. Someday I wish to be certain enough of my own gifts so as to be able to either challenge Mr. Miller's crown or concede to his unapproachable mastery, abandon my pursuit of his throne, and graciously relinquish the field unbloodied.


LAURA INGRAM

Only one thing prevents me from identifying Laura Ingram as my favorite. Her argument formulation and structure, as well as her, manner, delivery, mirror my own.(almost) However, I can't rid myself of the feeling that she has weakened and may secretly view the war already lost, and like an unmanned, computer driven weapon, she robotic ally fights on. This is, without a doubt, the one suspicion I would most like to be dead wrong about.

MICHEAL SAVAGE

Whether I enjoyed Michael Savage's program was solely dependent upon my mood at the time. He seemed to turn my otherwise logic-dedicated mind into a gob of goo, reacting almost entirely on an emotional level. I would always have to turn him off, and wait fifteen or twenty minutes for my analytical powers to escape from the Savage correctional and nostril hair grooming facility. Only then could I reliably assess anything he said. As you may have already gathered, I no longer listen to Mr. Savage. The last straw was when I heard him call Greta Van Susteren, "scar face". This evil, hateful, subhuman, completely un-Christian act, reveling in the misfortune of another, leads me to believe, if you'll pardon the obvious oxymoronic component of the advice, that Mr. Savage should spend his every waking moment praying there is no God. By the way, in case no one else noticed, Greta has gone from an entrenched liberal to quite the little pragmatist.

PAT BUCHANAN

Pat Buchanan was for many years my pick for 'Deep Throat'. But how can you totally condemn someone who diverted so many illiterate voters from Al Gore in the Florida 2000' presidential race. In his book, "Death of the West", he clearly sees the impending devolution of America to a third world country. His only mistake being: foretelling an unrealistically lengthy amount of time for this metastasis. Sadly, for whatever reason, perhaps past election rejections, I sense he has become one of those willing to sit back and watch the death of America, just so he can say, "I told you so".

NEWT GANGRICH

As for Newt Gangrich, no single individual I discuss here has caused me to see-saw so wildly and often as this man. At long last, Newt has managed to single-handedly prove to me that there is absolutely no direct correlation between intelligence and courage. Grievously, I was too dense when Henry Kissinger tried to teach me the same lesson years ago. No doubt Newt could kick my ass on any quiz show, but his line about going to Washington to change it, and it changed him is clever and revealing, is only half right. It exposes many things, none of which are wise or noble. The comment does confirm that he believes that anyone that goes to Washington, DC, no matter how honorable, will be perverted. If his contention is accurate, no one that has gone to Washington, DC, in the last thirty years or more should ever have been sent there in the first place, and the American people should reanimate Thomas Jefferson, and revolt. Newt's words clearly state that the corruption of our government is so all pervasive that is cannot be changed from within. Whether there is enough honorable people left in this country to re-staff Washington, DC, remains to be seen, but the fact remains that everyone currently in Washington, is nothing but a pestilence upon our Constitution. I wish Newt had the courage, integrity, and devotion to this country, to couple his intellect, with an awareness that doing right is more important than just being right.

SEAN HANNITY

Unquestionably, the last thing President Obama wants to do is go have a beer with Sean Hannity. I, however, like the guy, and would love to pounce on a shot or two of Scotch with him except for one thing, I'm not sure he has reached legal drinking age. Sean looks at everything through the eyes of a child. While this can often be a good thing, as Jesus claimed, but when trying to make a point with an elusive leftist, the I double-dog dare-ya routine just doesn't cut it. I think my biggest problem with Sean is that he can't get off Reagan. Despite Reagan being the only Presidential candidate I truly voted for, this country needs much more than a second coming of Ronald Reagan. Reagan was too easily talked out of good ideas by cowards poorly disguised as political pragmatists. What this country needs is someone just as firmly rooted or more so, in principle, and less susceptible to the voices advocating dilution of those principles for the sake of expediency and promoting methodologies that violate those principles. Since even the most optimistic doubt a second coming, I am not lost to the reality that what I think is needed for this country is even more of a pie in the sky.

CARL ROVE

Debating as to whether Mr. Rove is an analyst or a commentator is a bigger waste of time than arguing whether or not Underdog could beat up Mighty Mouse. The fact that Mr. Rove does allot of smiling when he speaks of the idiocies spewing forth from liberals does not invalidate his accuracy. And when he points out, as many others have, including myself, that the only transparency liberals and the Obama administration exhibit is revealing their own corruption,(plain at least to anyone with more than three functioning brain cells) the delight that shows in his face can be interpreted as honest and justified. Personally, I prefer someone with a slight poker face to someone like Walter Cronkite who for decades successfully passed himself off as an objective reporter, covertly injecting his ultra-left beliefs into his comments. I do wish Sean Hannity would stop feeding Mr. Rove ego growth hormones every time he introduces him, always calling Mr. Rove 'the architect' is getting nauseating.

At the epicenter of my motives for writing these brief blurbs lies a desire to inspire people to listen to these personalities and make up their own minds, especially since I perceive their own minds to be in jeopardy of becoming no longer their own. If independent thought was not in danger, how is it we just acquiesced to the government spending, in 2009 alone, the equivalent of spending over sixty cents a day, for every day the Universe itself is theorized to have existed? If only Republicans could see that if they simply held to the Constitution and the values therein, leftist would never be a concern of notoriety or consequence. Republicans risk extinction if they wander into the Labrea Tar Pits of political strategy founded in corrupt manipulation. Both Socialism and Communism are deeply mired and at home in this pit and Republicans must resist stumbling into this corrupt, unethical quagmire to avoid being fossilized. Apathy and ignorance can, and perhaps already has reached a fatal level in this country, but how scurrilous it would be if we let America go calmly into the night of human failures.